How to Manage Your Milk Supply After Infant Loss: Gentle Options and Resources
CONTENT WARNING: Infant Loss
There are no words big enough for the loss of a baby. For families walking through this unimaginable experience, the days after birth can bring not only emotional pain but also physical changes — including the arrival of a milk supply.
For many grieving parents, this can feel overwhelming. Your body simply follows the hormonal signals after birth, and milk production increases around day three. Knowing your options can help you feel more prepared and supported as you decide what’s best for you — whether that’s drying up your milk supply after stillbirth, donating your milk, or simply taking things one day at a time.
1. Gradually Suppressing Your Milk Supply
If your goal is lactation suppression after loss, doing so gently can reduce discomfort and lower the risk of mastitis or plugged ducts.
Avoid full breast stimulation – Pump or hand express only for comfort, not to completely empty the breasts.
Cold compresses or chilled cabbage leaves – Wear them inside your bra for 20 minutes at a time, as often as needed for the first week.
Pain relief – Ibuprofen or acetaminophen can help manage discomfort (with your healthcare provider’s approval).
Limit heat and massage – These can encourage milk flow.
Gradually space out any comfort expression - until the breasts feel softer and supply decreases.
Supportive bra – Wear one that fits snugly but does not leave marks on your skin. Never bind your breasts tightly, as this can cause complications.
2. Medication Options to Stop Milk Production
In some cases, a healthcare provider may prescribe medication to help reduce or stop milk production after loss. These aren’t necessary for everyone, and each option has possible side effects. Over-the-counter medications with a drying effect — like some sinus medicines — may also help. Always discuss with your OB, midwife, or primary care provider before starting anything new.
3. Milk Donation After Infant Loss
Some parents find meaning and even healing in donating milk after loss to help other babies in need. This can be:
Short-term – Pumping for just a few days or weeks.
Long-term – Continuing until you feel ready to stop.
One option for bereaved families is The Milk Bank, which offers a special bereavement donation program. You can also connect with other nonprofit milk banks through the Human Milk Banking Association of North America.
4. Caring For Your Heart
Grief can feel heavier when paired with the physical changes after birth. It’s completely normal to feel waves of emotion when your milk comes in. Please give yourself permission to seek both physical and emotional support — from your medical team, lactation consultants, therapist, grief counselors, or peer groups. You are not alone in this.
5. Creating a Memory Box
A keepsake memory box for a lost newborn is a special container created to hold mementos and tangible reminders of a baby who passed away too soon.
Ideas to Put in the Box
recognition of life certificate
baby ornament
lock of your baby’s hair
your baby’s hand or foot prints and casts
baby hat or nightie
your baby’s ID bracelet
teddy bear (or any stuffie that is meaningful to you)
ultrasound pictures of your baby
cards from family and friends
toys you may have bought for your baby
a letter you might want to write to your baby
The purpose of a memory box is both practical and deeply emotional:
Preservation of Memories
Holds items connected to the baby (ultrasound pictures, hospital bracelets, footprints, photos, a lock of hair, or a special blanket).
Provides a physical way to keep the baby’s presence alive, even when there are few memories to hold onto.
Honoring and Validating Life
Affirms that the baby’s life, no matter how short, mattered and deserves remembrance.
Can include personal notes, poems, or letters from parents and loved ones.
Aid in Grieving and Healing
Gives parents and families something concrete to turn to when processing loss.
Can be revisited when they want to feel close to the baby, helping with ongoing grief.
Creating a Ritual of Love
Gathering and placing items in the box can be a healing ritual.
The box itself can become a cherished symbol of love and remembrance.
Support for the Future
Helps siblings, future children, or extended family understand and remember the baby.
Provides a way to share the baby’s story with others in a meaningful and sensitive way.
Emotional Support
Offers comfort by keeping a tangible link to the baby.
Encourages healthy grieving by giving parents a safe space for emotions.
Provides a sense of control during a time when parents may feel powerless.
Creates an ongoing bond — allowing the baby to remain part of family life and memory.
Some parents keep the memory box private, while others bring it out on anniversaries, birthdays, or special days of remembrance.
7. Other Healing Options to Consider
Spend time with your baby and take part in any activities you wish to create memories with your baby like diapering, bathing, and creating keepsakes and taking photos.
Choose a name for your baby.
Let the healthcare team know your wishes about autopsy for your baby and who will pick up your baby.
Obtain a burial permit from the hospital if you wish to take your baby with you.
Ask for help from family, as needed, to let others know of your loss.
Choose a funeral service provider for support.
Make funeral or memorial service arrangements.
Consider invitations to family or friends for a funeral or memorial service, or send a card to friends and family members recognizing your baby’s life.
Book an appointment with your doctor to review any autopsy results.
Visit your family doctor for a follow-up health appointment and to review any lab reports for yourself.
Arrange for rides to health appointments.
Notify your workplace about time away from work and fill out any paperwork that’s needed. Look into your benefits plan for coverage as well.
Cancel any prenatal classes, or upcoming appointments that you no longer need.
Cancel your subscription with any baby product companies you may have registered with.
Cancel any furniture or other baby equipment orders and deliveries.
Attend a parent support group or arrange for counselling.
6. Helpful Resources
Hand Expression – Watch video
Breast Gymnastics – Watch video
Lymphatic Drainage Massage – Watch video
The Milk Bank (Bereavement Program) – Visit site
Mental Health Support and Bereaved Families Support – Find resources here
Abby the Sociologist Doula Services / bereaved parents community group
PennPsychology - Psychology services in Louisville, KY
Abel Speaks Supporting families who have chosen to carry a child with a life-limiting diagnosis.
The Finley Project The Finley Project® offers compassionate support to mothers grieving infant loss, providing empathy, understanding, and tangible assistance to help them find comfort and strength through their healing journey.
Birth & Bereavement Photography
In Kentuckiana area – Contact Births + Portraits by Katie Lacer
Find a Photographer - Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Photography
Keepsake Jewelry – Timeless Treasures of Kentucky (breastmilk, ashes, hair, etc.)
The Loss Heart Initiative - Created to hold space for miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, and other losses.
A Final Note from Bonnie
If you are searching for how to dry up your milk supply or milk donation after infant loss, or simply need a compassionate space to process your options, please know you are not alone. I would be honored to walk alongside you in whichever path you choose.
With deepest compassion,
Bonnie Logsdon, RD, IBCLC
www.bonnieknowsbreast.com
